I love that i don’t know if anyone reads this, or even really knows about it, because it means that i can spew when i need to how i need to and sometimes that makes it better. It’s not going to this time, i don’t think, but i’m compelled to tell the silent-by-design aether some pretty maudlin shit right about now.
Why?
Fuck… i’m not going to say why.
Sometimes it just really cuts close to the bone, right?
For everyone.
Some chose the gun.
That never works out, really. It may seem like it does.
It doesn’t.
When in college my first minor was Theology, and the superstar at the time in that department at SJSU was a born-again unitarian, one Dr Kramer; whose rather Bob Rossish lectures were a dream-inducing chore for my atheist science major afternoons. He touted a concept i think popularized by Campbell, that of “spiritual death”. This is when a seeker or other deluded desperate or bored person surrenders to a creed, ending their spiritual growth cycle by resonating with ontogeny and “dying” to be “reborn” into their One True Faith™.
At the time i thought it stupid, and said as much. I’d much rather be alive in a faith, wouldn’t you?
Later, i had a spiritual… …fuck i STILL don’t have any idea what to call it; but it fits me and my life and resonated at the time of rediscovery like thunderclaps of electric Truth, and still does in a very real sense in much less chin-dropping ways. I did NOT “die” into it. I was not “reborn” into it. I understand now moreover what those terms mean, though; and the death they speak of is one to avoid like a reality show.
It is the death of mind. The locking in sync of one’s resonant being with that of an Authority’s dogma, matching it’s hideous stride, adopting it’s manners and modes and attitudes and filters until the world looks as described by cannon.
Looking at the world through gunsights is the easiest way to die while alive. Believing that you need people who look at the world through gunsights to protect you is another.
